pains

27Jan12

G, enough please.


” Your love is neverending,

to your hands we surrender,

where all of our sins are washed away,

your grace without reason has given our freedom.

We run to your throne where we belong,

every heart will sing that Jesus is Lord,

casting all else aside for the joy of our Christ,

Let your glory fall and let us be filled with Your fire.”


faith/doubt

15Nov11

what is faith without doubt?

what if belief without trust?
what is trust without risk?

Sometimes its difficult to understand why certain things seem so illogical, why pervasive thoughts are so irrepressible but in the end, it seems like the only thing worth hanging on to is God and His Love.

That in itself is a struggle.

I’m like any one of those disciples in the storm, having Jesus right beside me in that room, but doubting in the face of different storms.
The words ” you of little faith” resonate. But i’m thankful that faith evolves. That for one individual on the boat, it evolved. Peter asked to walk the water. People can change in God’s hands and God’s love. That hope i want to hold close, that love i want to trust in.

In the midst of challenges and rejections, there is always a rainbow, always a silver lining.


time

11Oct11

sometimes all you really need is a reassuring presence, a patient smile and

” no matter what happens, I’m with you.”

 


A moment

04Sep11

Dusting off the cobwebs of this blog.

Its been a year in NUS and quickly i’m streaking into year 2.
Time flies doesn’t it?

There are no sagely words, or intelligent words in my mind at the moment. There is a desire to rant, ramble, pour out incessantly into a tirade that is in itself self-defeating and never productive, introspective or pragmatic.

The heart is deceitful.

So often it contradicts the mind in conversation, bickers with the spirit in disagreement and frustrates its owner by painting predicaments that overwhelms and overloads the rationality in a rational individual.

It takes one such individual to reason intelligibly with himself(albeit in a fashion where utterances are only known to the self, so as to avoid alarming onlookers of a man who seems quite mentally infirm) to formulate reasonable plans to maximize productivity.

Yet, there are times where productivity and rationality are ,quite frankly, situationally inept. What is one to do when he finds out he is terminally ill? Maximize his productivity to work his life away? Or rationally decide to save himself the pain of living since the pain of living is otherwise known as a process called dying. What happens when one has no idea why one slogs his brain out in an effort to chase after futile grades, where one’s life is reduced to a mechanical function of producing and making one’s life most economic?

Economy is a concept that is foreign in the condition called death.

There is a concept however called afterlife. Debated by many, disputed incessantly. Some speak of revival in bodies of animals, some seek an ultimate truth to defeat the cycle of death. But there is a particular one where a man, ordinary and plain, claims to be God, a deity, one that knows not of mortality. Multiple accounts of history records that, obnoxious as the claim may be, His body never found, His message widely spread, His words proclaiming a truth and denouncing all that is false. He reminds his ilk of lowly peasants that he calls his disciples that there is a life after death to a place called heaven, to a place beside a God that created this earth if all man repent and stop the ways that are, what the world calls “evil”, “imperfect” or simply “morally incorrect”. He in return gives his Son, this man yet God, Jesus to make up for the imperfections of those sins so that one need make no compensation.

This God i believe in is much greater than an anatomical function or an instinct or emotion from the spirit.
By writing all these, i am clearly once again able to see clearly through His lens to know that even when my heart wanted me to just sit there and torment myself in silence or pour it out to another human, i know still that Jesus is my only reprieve, my only portion, my rock in the midst of the waves. My emotions are temporary, so is my weariness. That in Him, i find a great hope in a rationality to know He is good just as history has shown through his sacrifice. He has consistently been good and will always be good and in that i know and trust God for a better tomorrow, a clearer vision, a mind that has a wisdom not of human origin but divine in nature.

I know You are for me. I know you are with me.

In this time, God i know you are able to help me out of this challenge of everything crumbling on me. Therefore i count on you unreservedly because there is always hope, love and grace in your promises that i may claim by faith.

The only rational thing i can do is say thank you God for your everlasting love and grace.


” The characteristic of a Christian that Peter is trying to establish here is that He believes in things he cannot see. This Christian believes in the invisible. He believes that the real world coexists with the physical world, touching this world and accessible to this world. There is no contradiction between spirit and reality. The contradiction is between spirit and matter, never between spiritual and real. So the believer accepts and believes in a real world of which God is the King, an eternal kingdom, an eternal world, a spiritual, invisible world coexisting with and touching and accessible to this world. Heaven is not so far away that we must take a jet and continue through light years of travel to get to heaven. The average Christian thinks of heaven being so far away, and only by accomodation do we sing about heaven being near and “glory coming down our souls to greet”.”

- Excerpt from Living as a Christian by A.W Tozer


breaking even.

15Jun11

no it don’t break even.

 


checkpoint;

02May11

This post is a checkpoint in the midst of rushing my revision for Comparative politics, to remind myself that i’m studied with and for God not for my own gain.

I am a Christian who happens to be a student not a student who happens to be a Christian.

The greatest thing is that my Saviour will always be there for me in the hardest or most joyful of times :D


ne facile pas;

26Apr11

Jesus, its getting difficult to manage the thoughts and considerations and hopes. Help me see what you want to do and not what i want to do. Let me remember your grace everyday, let me remember your love everyday. Father thank you for your handprints in my life everyday. For creating the most beautiful day and the enchanting nights. Thank you for giving us the gift to see your work everyday without needing to pay for it with our blood. You paid our debt, you saved us from the darkest night. You send us through the refining fire, you cover us with the cool waters, you let us rest in your quiet pastures. You are our God. You are our King. You are most of all our dear Jesus, our dear friend, our lover, friend, giver, mighty deliverer.

I remember. I want to remember. I want to praise you everyday and worship you every moment with what i do. I know my sins are not pleasing to you but God may you do your mighty patchwork. Let not you face turn away from me any longer, let not your hand stop delivering. Don’t withhold your mercy and presence from where i am because it is all i have and all i need. Father, deep inside there are times where doubt, temptations and pain creep in, but i know that in all that lies who you are. because you are just and merciful, you cannot deny who you are.

So i lay my life aside that you may work. My words are so cheap, my timidity is a disgrace. But you called me not as though i were but you called me for who i can be. God, this is my cry, to hear your voice everyday, to have the courage to face the day, to have the strength to not give up in the miry clay.

Let not my insecurities deny me from your great plan. Don’t let me give up on glorifying you in difficult areas in my life. In all that i do, You are real. You are amazing. You are powerful.

Deep inside.

I love you more than anything.

But the most amazing thing is,

You love me more than i’ll ever know.

Amen.


Sometimes i think to myself, “God i want to love you teach me how!” but the truth is that love doesnt need to be taught, love is not forcing ourselves to define it a way or another. To declare to Him that we love Him boldly in spite of everything that we dont understand and living a life like His is love we can offer. So Great is His love that it has given us all things, forgiven us in repentence and held us in pain.

Father help me for i know of Your love and love you, help me understand why this situation and circumstance is put in my life. Help me understand so that i can better live a life that seeks to please you. Let not my own understanding devour me, let me not be clouded in my own judgement for it is not mine to make. Let your precepts and words guide me because i understand little. In You i find much.

More of You, less of me.




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