you are for me…?

12Mar12

this place is cobwebbed over. 

G, there are no pretenses here. no finesse or fancy words. i know i have honored you in this. I know that i’ve done what i should’ve done. I know that i need to pay for the things that i’ve not obeyed in. Trust is something i cannot buy, convince or take from anyone else. But because of who i am, why have i come to this point where this is a thorn plunged into my skin with venom? Have i not followed your commands? Have i not followed your ways?

G, i desperately cling on to your promises that You’ll work for all those who love you and walk according to your purposes. That you will not give me beyond what i can bear. That you will fortify my soul and give me hope. That one day there will be no more hope, no more tears, no more pain or suffering. It is not the physical pains that i fear the most, but those that afflict the heart.  Those that i can never control, nor understand. Perhaps its like she says, that you do all these things to humble us and to understand your sovereignty and power over our lives, loving us till the very end of the age. Reminding us that we can only count on You and no one else. 

All i can do now is surrender, because there is nothing else left in me. All the small actions, the words unspoken, the time spent or unspent, inflict a pain over my scarred heart. G, you know… i really put my life in Your hands. You know the depth of my heart, you know i trusted with all i can that we’d all follow closely to Your commands and words .

Proverbs 27:6
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

God only time will tell. Only you can change and touch. Only your grace is enough for me to fill me heart. Your love never ends and You grace is for me. I have to claim faith that Your love is for me. That’s the only way i can keep going. You are the only one that wipes away all my tears. That places the bandages on all my wounds. That holds me hand through all this. Your Love will endure everyday. 

” The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it,

the world, and all who live in it;

for he founded it on the seas

and established it over the waters.

Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?

Who may stand in his holy place?

The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, 

who does not trust in an idol

or swear by a false god.

They will receive blessing  from the Lord

and vindication from God their Savior,

Such is the generation  of those who seek Him,

who seek your face, God of Jacob.”

- Psalm 24:1-6

Clean hands and a pure heart.

God, i surrender to You.

Amen. 

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peace.

30Jan12

the rush of cars in the early morning traffic.

the chatter along the corridors in the various cafetarias.

the laughter of school children.

the familiar blinking lights as you cross the road.

the ringing of the phone.

the honk of cars.

 

 

Silence

is a rare commodity that can be found. so are the green leaves and tall trees. so are the crashing oceans and the sparkling stars at night in bright, bright singapore. Because the world claims you as its own with its expectations, norms and values that make no sense in the eternal scheme of things. Because sin in yourself and the people around you threaten to destroy everything that you hold dear… but the question is are we holding the right things close to us?

 

but yet sometimes all you need is that peace. that quiet. that still small voice.

G. in everything that we’ve hoped for, the greatest thing we can find is Your Love. 

 

Psalm 91: 4-5

“  He will cover you with his feathers, 
   and under his wings you will find refuge; 
   his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 
 You will not fear the terror of night, 
   nor the arrow that flies by day, 
 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, 
   nor the plague that destroys at midday.”

 

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pains

27Jan12

G, enough please.

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” Your love is…

23Nov11

” Your love is neverending,

to your hands we surrender,

where all of our sins are washed away,

your grace without reason has given our freedom.

We run to your throne where we belong,

every heart will sing that Jesus is Lord,

casting all else aside for the joy of our Christ,

Let your glory fall and let us be filled with Your fire.”

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faith/doubt

15Nov11

what is faith without doubt?

what if belief without trust?
what is trust without risk?

Sometimes its difficult to understand why certain things seem so illogical, why pervasive thoughts are so irrepressible but in the end, it seems like the only thing worth hanging on to is God and His Love.

That in itself is a struggle.

I’m like any one of those disciples in the storm, having Jesus right beside me in that room, but doubting in the face of different storms.
The words ” you of little faith” resonate. But i’m thankful that faith evolves. That for one individual on the boat, it evolved. Peter asked to walk the water. People can change in God’s hands and God’s love. That hope i want to hold close, that love i want to trust in.

In the midst of challenges and rejections, there is always a rainbow, always a silver lining.

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time

11Oct11

sometimes all you really need is a reassuring presence, a patient smile and

” no matter what happens, I’m with you.”

 

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A moment

04Sep11

Dusting off the cobwebs of this blog.

Its been a year in NUS and quickly i’m streaking into year 2.
Time flies doesn’t it?

There are no sagely words, or intelligent words in my mind at the moment. There is a desire to rant, ramble, pour out incessantly into a tirade that is in itself self-defeating and never productive, introspective or pragmatic.

The heart is deceitful.

So often it contradicts the mind in conversation, bickers with the spirit in disagreement and frustrates its owner by painting predicaments that overwhelms and overloads the rationality in a rational individual.

It takes one such individual to reason intelligibly with himself(albeit in a fashion where utterances are only known to the self, so as to avoid alarming onlookers of a man who seems quite mentally infirm) to formulate reasonable plans to maximize productivity.

Yet, there are times where productivity and rationality are ,quite frankly, situationally inept. What is one to do when he finds out he is terminally ill? Maximize his productivity to work his life away? Or rationally decide to save himself the pain of living since the pain of living is otherwise known as a process called dying. What happens when one has no idea why one slogs his brain out in an effort to chase after futile grades, where one’s life is reduced to a mechanical function of producing and making one’s life most economic?

Economy is a concept that is foreign in the condition called death.

There is a concept however called afterlife. Debated by many, disputed incessantly. Some speak of revival in bodies of animals, some seek an ultimate truth to defeat the cycle of death. But there is a particular one where a man, ordinary and plain, claims to be God, a deity, one that knows not of mortality. Multiple accounts of history records that, obnoxious as the claim may be, His body never found, His message widely spread, His words proclaiming a truth and denouncing all that is false. He reminds his ilk of lowly peasants that he calls his disciples that there is a life after death to a place called heaven, to a place beside a God that created this earth if all man repent and stop the ways that are, what the world calls “evil”, “imperfect” or simply “morally incorrect”. He in return gives his Son, this man yet God, Jesus to make up for the imperfections of those sins so that one need make no compensation.

This God i believe in is much greater than an anatomical function or an instinct or emotion from the spirit.
By writing all these, i am clearly once again able to see clearly through His lens to know that even when my heart wanted me to just sit there and torment myself in silence or pour it out to another human, i know still that Jesus is my only reprieve, my only portion, my rock in the midst of the waves. My emotions are temporary, so is my weariness. That in Him, i find a great hope in a rationality to know He is good just as history has shown through his sacrifice. He has consistently been good and will always be good and in that i know and trust God for a better tomorrow, a clearer vision, a mind that has a wisdom not of human origin but divine in nature.

I know You are for me. I know you are with me.

In this time, God i know you are able to help me out of this challenge of everything crumbling on me. Therefore i count on you unreservedly because there is always hope, love and grace in your promises that i may claim by faith.

The only rational thing i can do is say thank you God for your everlasting love and grace.

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Belief in the unseen

16Jun11

” The characteristic of a Christian that Peter is trying to establish here is that He believes in things he cannot see. This Christian believes in the invisible. He believes that the real world coexists with the physical world, touching this world and accessible to this world. There is no contradiction between spirit and reality. The contradiction is between spirit and matter, never between spiritual and real. So the believer accepts and believes in a real world of which God is the King, an eternal kingdom, an eternal world, a spiritual, invisible world coexisting with and touching and accessible to this world. Heaven is not so far away that we must take a jet and continue through light years of travel to get to heaven. The average Christian thinks of heaven being so far away, and only by accomodation do we sing about heaven being near and “glory coming down our souls to greet”.”

- Excerpt from Living as a Christian by A.W Tozer

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Tags: Reflections

breaking even.

15Jun11

no it don’t break even.

 

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checkpoint;

02May11

This post is a checkpoint in the midst of rushing my revision for Comparative politics, to remind myself that i’m studied with and for God not for my own gain.

I am a Christian who happens to be a student not a student who happens to be a Christian.

The greatest thing is that my Saviour will always be there for me in the hardest or most joyful of times

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